Lovely perfect neighbours (bless em)

I really like my neighbours. We’ve only lived here since February but they keep themselves to themselves. They are quiet and polite when we see them. We had a housewarming party, invited them but they didn’t come round (probably for the best to be honest), but were pleasant about it the next day. They don’t make much noise at all and are the most non offensive couple ever. We never hear them but I don’t know if that’s just because they are freakishly quiet or our walls are really thick.

That’s why I dread Arsenal playing. My wonderful Arsenal loving fiancé has a voice that carries. And I mean carries. That’s without him screaming at the top of his voice.

Take tonight for example I was standing at the door chatting to my sister and they came out of their door ready to go for a run. We smiled our hellos and off they trotted. In my head I’m thinking please stay out until at least 9.45 or 10 just to be on the safe side, you really don’t want to hear the swearing, commentating or screaming that’s going to be coming soon………

Typically though they got home just in time to hear that Arsenal had scored. I’m almost 100% sure that they didn’t see it on TV but I’m almost 90% sure they heard it through the walls.

I’m sure they dread match days almost as much as I do. And I’m sure they hope Arsenal lose. Not to be cruel to Gooners but because weirdly the fiancé is a lot quieter when things aren’t going well.

It might be time to get a detached house…………………



Bitey Bitey

So the first weekend of the new season is over (phew). There were a few upsets (Man U V Swansea tee hee) but mostly predictable results.


As I’m not into the football or results and because there will a lot of football on in my house over the next 9 months I have to find other ways of amusing myself. This includes cooking, my little craft sideline, tidying (not my favourite), playing candy crush or generally mooching about (the fiancé refers to this as sulking). My favourite during this time though is looking out for the silly, unbelievable or just plain stupid.

This includes stupid looking face masks (Torres), even stupider looking headbands (Rooney) and silly hair (most of them to be honest).


The best though is the really naughty behaviour; behaviour that seems to be totally acceptable by the player during the match. Anyone else remember the Chelsea match where the player kicked the ball boy because he was blocking the ball by lying on it. Absolutely hilarious in a horrible violent way. In hindsight and looking back at the footage (courtesy of Sky sports news and many many replays) it wasn’t actually as bad as it looked. The player was kicking the ball and not the ball boy as it looked but it was still bad behaviour in anyone’s book. You just don’t go around kicking people lying on balls.


Another favourite was when the Newcastle manager smacked another manager. I mean, honestly if that happened at my place of work I wouldn’t be around next season to tell the tale. And I might have a criminal record to boot.


The funniest and my all time favourite has to be Luis Suarez or bitey bitey as I like to call him. I saw the second time he bit someone and I was pretty shocked if I’m honest. I didn’t realise that you could do that on the pitch and still have a job at the end of it. It made me look at my colleagues in a whole different light!

To be fair he was suspended for quite some time, but surely that’s not a punishment, it’s paid holiday. It’s like when my mum sent me to my room as a punishment; my room with everything I loved in it. My TV, toys, books, record player, and hamster etc.

He was very contrite and apologetic when he finally came back to play. I’ll never do that again he said. I’m very sorry and ashamed he said. I’ve let myself, my family, my club and the fans down he said. All this bearing in mind it was the second time he had been caught biting someone.


So I spent the rest of the season waiting for him to bite someone. Or do anything naughty. All I saw was good football and lots of goals (unfortunately). There was even talk of him being brought by Arsenal much to the excitement of the fiancé.


Fast forward to the world cup in Brazil this year. The world cup that only got better once England had gone home, but that’s a whole other blog. England were playing someone (but were already halfway to going home), it was pretty boring and the commentator mentioned that the Uruguay v Italy match was on the other channel. I remember saying to the fiancé ‘ooh can we watch that game rather than this? Nothing is happening here’ to which he refused (being all patriotic and all the crap). 10 minutes later the commentator said that there were reports that Suarez had bitten someone in the other match.


Imagine my excitement!! The fiancé turned it over straight away and we were glued to the screen. Nothing was mentioned for a few minutes then they started playing replays of it!! OMG I seriously couldn’t believe that he had done it AGAIN. I mean obviously I had been secretly wishing that he would bite someone at some point, but I really honestly believed him when he said he was done with his biting ways.

The funniest thing though was when he sat on the floor holding his teeth as though the other player had deliberately rammed his shoulder into his teeth and not that he had just tried to take a chunk out of him. He then had the gall to deny that he had bitten him only admitting it when the FIFA people were looking at punishments.


He then skulked back to Uruguay to a hero’s welcome!


I was really sad to see him leave the premiership. It’s going to be a boring year without the prospect of a bit of bitey bitey. I’m going to have to comfort myself with the hope that someone else might take up where Suarez left off. Or perhaps some really really bad behaviour might suffice. Although I’m finding it hard to think of anything as bad as biting an Italian……………….



Boosting the fan numbers……… one

So it’s the first day of the premiership season! Until two years ago I didn’t even realise there was more than one league and today I found myself asking about a game in the championship. To be fair to me though, I only asked because my brother in law took my 6 yr old nephew to his first football match which happened to be Plymouth argyle v Exeter. David has been a supporter since he was a kid despite living over 300 miles away from Plymouth. He gets a fair bit of stick for supporting them and he’s now desperately trying to get my nephew to get behind them too.

Being only 6 (well 5 and 3/4) my nephew like me hasn’t really got an understanding of all the leagues or even a concept of how many bloody teams there are. He just wants to support the team his friends support which happens to be Liverpool. David is not giving up on him though which I think is admirable.
It makes me wonder who I would’ve supported if my dad had been into football. Chances are it would’ve been Tottenham as that’s where he was born and spent his first few years.
Which in turn makes me wonder if I’d still be with my fiancé? Massive gooner marries into a family of spurs fans???
I don’t really get the whole football rivalry thing. The fiancé seems to dislike every team that isn’t arsenal but Tottenham is another story. I’m pretty sure they’ve never done anything personally to him. Spurs never bullied him at school, spurs never stole his girlfriend and I don’t think spurs ever punched him but still he hates them.

Which brings me back to my handsome nephew. He’s gone to his first proper match today. Plymouth are playing their local rival who they hate. He’s probably learnt a few interesting words and experienced an almighty win. I’m happy for the little lad and I’m even happier for David!
He might have just boosted the fan numbers by 1!

Football Virgin

So it’s been 2 years since I met my now fiancé. How sweet, innocent and naive I was. Not in the ways of dating or men (I was 33 for goodness sake) but in the ways of dating men obsessed with sport. I come from a family that has little or no interest in sport. My dad was never into football so never transferred his sportiness onto his two girls. So other than going to pub to watch football with my mates (world cups only), a weird weekend in Leeds to see them play with an ex and the few times I went to Wembley with work I hadn’t had much to do with football. I was in for a crash course it seems.

So our first date went really well and although football was mentioned it was generally in passing. I had no idea of just how big of a sports fan the man of my dreams was! It was inevitable that we would see each other again and we arranged to meet again the next night.


We met at his house and after a few cups of tea and some nervous chatter, things were going well. We started talking about twitter which we were both users off and he went onto to his twitter feed to show me something. This is when things got very very weird. The exchange went something like this:


Him: oh my F****** god!!! No F****** way!!

Me: what?? What’s ups?

Him: I don’t actually F****** believe it, it can’t be F****** true!

Me: What?

Him: Hang on a minute…(scroll, scroll, read, read). Well apparently it is true! F****** traitor. Arghhhhhh I’m going to be so angry!

Me: ……….(shell shocked, slightly scared silence)

Him: Well thats it! Oh my god, I don’t believe it!!!!

Me: Shall I leave??

Him: This is ridiculous! Seriously going to be fuming if this is true!

Me: is this about your brother, mum, dad?

Him: do you mind if I just put on sky sports news? (actually thinking about it now, I don’t think he actually asked)

Me: ummm, maybe I should go?

Him: (standing over the TV, remote in hand) Can you believe this, apparently this is true……….UNBELIEVEABLE. For F**** Sake

Me: What? What is going on (notice lack of swearing, I was still behaving like a lady)?

Him: RVP is only going to Man U F****** nited!!!

Me: Errr who’s RVP???


So this was my introduction to the crazy world of football and the transfer window. We’ve been through 4 of them now as a couple and I’ve become fluent in the twitter rumour mill, sky sports news, the mad newspaper speculation and the deadline day. I mostly ignore it all, but it’s amazing how much of it subconsciously seeps in. So much so that I can pretty much hold my own in a football conversation (limited of course), I know most of the players in the big teams and I have done the Emirates tour (and sort of enjoyed it).


I can also use my knowledge and titbits that I’ve picked up against the fiancé, but more about that another time………







Start of the season =end of my summer

As the fiancé of a gooner the start of the football season is a scary prospect.

Obviously the new shirt has to be purchased to go alongside the 30+ identical shirts. Last years shirt had Ozil on the back which to my mind was a mistake as he didn’t really turn out to be the shining star and arsenal legend that the crazy fee would suggest.
He also wasn’t as good looking as I had hoped either. Nothing against him really but he’s no Beckham is he?

We then had the ridiculous drama when the shirt didn’t turn up for the very first game. The courier company kept telling me that we had received it but my stroppy fella can confirm that we hadn’t!

When it eventually came there was much excitement and showing off. We also had the selfies and twitter updates :-(. What I also didn’t realise was that said shirt is never washed throughout the season.

WTF???? No washing? But what if you get something down it? NO!
What if it starts to smell? NO!
What if I want to wash it? NO! NO! NO!

All this adds up to me becoming one of the most tolerant patient people on the planet (in my eyes of course).

So we’ve just ordered the new seasons shirt. In fairness it kinda looks a bit different to the other 185 shirts, but many things remain the same.
The fiancé has picked an unknown quantity to grace the back of his shirt (Sanchez), it might not turn up in time and can I wash it………….NO you flipping well can’t!!!!!