So the first weekend of the new season is over (phew). There were a few upsets (Man U V Swansea tee hee) but mostly predictable results.
As I’m not into the football or results and because there will a lot of football on in my house over the next 9 months I have to find other ways of amusing myself. This includes cooking, my little craft sideline, tidying (not my favourite), playing candy crush or generally mooching about (the fiancé refers to this as sulking). My favourite during this time though is looking out for the silly, unbelievable or just plain stupid.
This includes stupid looking face masks (Torres), even stupider looking headbands (Rooney) and silly hair (most of them to be honest).
The best though is the really naughty behaviour; behaviour that seems to be totally acceptable by the player during the match. Anyone else remember the Chelsea match where the player kicked the ball boy because he was blocking the ball by lying on it. Absolutely hilarious in a horrible violent way. In hindsight and looking back at the footage (courtesy of Sky sports news and many many replays) it wasn’t actually as bad as it looked. The player was kicking the ball and not the ball boy as it looked but it was still bad behaviour in anyone’s book. You just don’t go around kicking people lying on balls.
Another favourite was when the Newcastle manager smacked another manager. I mean, honestly if that happened at my place of work I wouldn’t be around next season to tell the tale. And I might have a criminal record to boot.
The funniest and my all time favourite has to be Luis Suarez or bitey bitey as I like to call him. I saw the second time he bit someone and I was pretty shocked if I’m honest. I didn’t realise that you could do that on the pitch and still have a job at the end of it. It made me look at my colleagues in a whole different light!
To be fair he was suspended for quite some time, but surely that’s not a punishment, it’s paid holiday. It’s like when my mum sent me to my room as a punishment; my room with everything I loved in it. My TV, toys, books, record player, and hamster etc.
He was very contrite and apologetic when he finally came back to play. I’ll never do that again he said. I’m very sorry and ashamed he said. I’ve let myself, my family, my club and the fans down he said. All this bearing in mind it was the second time he had been caught biting someone.
So I spent the rest of the season waiting for him to bite someone. Or do anything naughty. All I saw was good football and lots of goals (unfortunately). There was even talk of him being brought by Arsenal much to the excitement of the fiancé.
Fast forward to the world cup in Brazil this year. The world cup that only got better once England had gone home, but that’s a whole other blog. England were playing someone (but were already halfway to going home), it was pretty boring and the commentator mentioned that the Uruguay v Italy match was on the other channel. I remember saying to the fiancé ‘ooh can we watch that game rather than this? Nothing is happening here’ to which he refused (being all patriotic and all the crap). 10 minutes later the commentator said that there were reports that Suarez had bitten someone in the other match.
Imagine my excitement!! The fiancé turned it over straight away and we were glued to the screen. Nothing was mentioned for a few minutes then they started playing replays of it!! OMG I seriously couldn’t believe that he had done it AGAIN. I mean obviously I had been secretly wishing that he would bite someone at some point, but I really honestly believed him when he said he was done with his biting ways.
The funniest thing though was when he sat on the floor holding his teeth as though the other player had deliberately rammed his shoulder into his teeth and not that he had just tried to take a chunk out of him. He then had the gall to deny that he had bitten him only admitting it when the FIFA people were looking at punishments.
He then skulked back to Uruguay to a hero’s welcome!
I was really sad to see him leave the premiership. It’s going to be a boring year without the prospect of a bit of bitey bitey. I’m going to have to comfort myself with the hope that someone else might take up where Suarez left off. Or perhaps some really really bad behaviour might suffice. Although I’m finding it hard to think of anything as bad as biting an Italian……………….